kellys - Kellyslarkin
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Well, I'm not clitless per-se, I still have all of my bits, and I don't plan on changing that, although I have fantasized about. I have taken a different route than most people, and I definitely enjoy sex in a very different way.
I discovered masturbation before my teens, and I would play with myself quite a lot. I didn't know what it was at the time, but I knew it just felt really good, and I wanted more and more of it. I would start to get this really intense feeling, then back off, and keep doing that, over and over again. I didn't even know what an orgasm was, and never had one until much later.
I didn't find out on my own - I had a special girl friend who I was quite close with, and one day we got talking about whether we did this and that. When she found out I didn't know how to have an orgasm, she decided to show me. It was definitely my first sexual experience, and probably contributed to me becoming bisexual quite a bit. She let me watch her masturbate herself to orgasm. I remember being kind of wowed at the time - like I really had no idea that you could enjoy anything that much. She showed me how to masturbate, and played with me a bit. She ended up offering to give me an orgasm. I was completely comfortable with it, and very used to touching myself, so I was pleasantly surprised instead of shocked when she started kissing and licking me. That was how I had my first orgasm.
Well, I enjoyed it a whole lot. I realized that all this time, I had essentially been teasing my body, never going all the way to orgasm. Now that I could, I discovered pretty fast that I was extremely orgasmic - I could have multiple orgasms pretty much indefinitely. Unlike most other women, I didn't ever get a sense of painful overstimulation - I could keep going until I was sore. Perhaps it was because all the years of masturbation had already accustomed my body to intense clitoral play - perhaps I was just different. Whatever the cause, I was quite happy with it.
When I became sexually active, it becamse a proplem, however. No partner I had met at the time could keep up with me! I could just keep going and going. It was clear from the get-go that I was pretty bi-sexual, and it was a problem for both boys and girls I was with. But I found that my favorite thing to do during sex was to pleasure people orally - I could play with myself the whole time, and end up having multiple orgasms by the time they had one. But I was enjoying myself so much, that I wasn't really focused very much on pleasing them. But I really wanted to be a good lover.
So I tried to cut back on my orgasms, and focus on my oral techniques. I wanted to get really good at it, and I didn't want to be so selfish anymore. But somehow, it always happened. If I managed to go a day without playing with myself, I would have to spend twice as long the next day to make up for it. As much as I wanted to shift my focus more onto my partners, I couldn't do it. Perhaps what my body was feeling was too good.
I thought long and hard about it, and finally decided I needed to do something to reduce my ability to orgasm. I start by pinching my clit, pulling it, twisting it till it hurt. I tried paperclips, first the small kind, then the big binder clips. I tried rubber bands, tieing it off with floss - all kinds of things. I ever tried burning it once - but that was too much for me.
And it started working. My clit was actually too sore a lot of the time for me to actually want to play with it. I would let men fuck me and fake my orgasm just when they came. They thought it was great, and they were the best! But what I really loved now, was when I went down on someone, especially a woman, I was getting really into it. Just knowing that I didn't want an orgasm in return allowed me to actually fully enjoy pleasuring them.
But once again, I gradually stopped with all the pinching and everything else. I got sick of keeping myself sore, and I was getting so horny from only letting myself cum a couple of times a week, I eventually stopped altogether. And pretty much just ended up going back to my selfish masturbation habits. But I really wanted a partner, and to spend just as much time pleasing a partner as I had been myself. So I had to take more forceful measures.
After thinking very deeply on it, I decided I really wanted to get all of my sexual pleasure from servicing others orally, It feels so good and intimate, really primal with all the smells and tastes, and it was such a deep feeling of connection that I didn't want anything else. I wanted that connection with another much more than anything else, and my desire for orgasm was robbing me of it.
So I embarked on a new path - I was going to use every technique available to slowly and gradually eliminate my ability to orgasm. I would get a clit piercing, stretch it, start banding my clit regularly, keep abusing it with play piercing, and everything else until finally, one day, I would have damaged it enough that I would become completely inorgasmic. And hopefully, I could keep enough sensation to still enjoy being teased, to keep myself aroused. I fantasized about being a hot fucktoy - always horny, always eager to please, amazingly skilled at pleasuring others, always hot and wet, but never getting to cum.
Well, that became my new path. I had a girlfriend at the time, who thought it was kind of hot, if not crazy, and she helped me out with it. I got really good at going down on her, and she got really good at banding my clit. We both took turns stabbing it with play piercing needles when it was already feeling pretty numb. I started leaving the band on while pleasuring her. When I took it off after, it sometimes took a day for it to recover. I had many orgasms in the meantime thinking about my fantasy, but eventually they did start to become more difficult to achieve. I think what finally did it was when I decided to leave myself banded - very lightly most of the time, for a whole week. I would increase the number of bands I put on when I got home, and tried to sleep with the extra bands on, but it would start to hurt after a while. Eventually it just became a dull, throbbing ache. I had some intense piercing sessions that week. By the end of the week, even the extra bands had stopped hurting.
I had been going down on my girlfriend every night that week, sometimes morning too. It was wonderful. I had become addicted to her smell, her taste, and was enjoying every minute of it. It almost felt like I could feel her orgasms too, and it was so satisfying, I wasn't minding not coming at all. This had been the first week of my life I had ever gone without orgasm, since I had been able to. And I was really craving one now. So I took off all the bands, gave it a quick test - yeah, I had gotten good and numb after a week. I would have to wait until tomorrow. Well, I was still numb then too. By the third day, I was starting to wonder -- had I killed it? I didn't want to be inorgasmic yet. In fact, now I wasn't sure I wanted to be at all. But thankfully, some sensation had returned.
It was clearly recovering, so I decided to have a nice big long masturbation session. It sort of didn't go anywhere. Clearly, I had done some big damage this time. I tried using a vibrator, and all I did was make myself hornier. I told my girlfriend about it - and she kind of laughed - well isn't that what you wanted? We decided that we should take a break from all the banding, spend more time 69'ing, and letting my clit recover. We did, and it was wonderful. Over the next week, it felt like I got all of my sensation back. In fact, it actually felt better than before. There was only one minor problem - I still couldn't get an orgasm. We spent weeks trying, and we tried everything - multiple vibrators, hot sex talk, fantasies. All of it felt really great. But still no bang.
I don't know what happened for sure - I don't think it was nerve damage, since I still have full sensation. I think I could have damaged the blood vessels somehow, because to this day my clit still does never get erect any more. Maybe it is all just mental conditioning. But I'm pretty sure now, after a little more than two years, that it really is permanent. Since then, I've had a couple of boyfriend and several flings, but none of them ever could get used to the fact that I didn't cum - they were very happy to try, but always disappointed that they couldn't get me there. Most of the women I dated were much more comfortable with it.
And finally, I met my life partner. Not only was she comfortable with it, when I told her the whole story, she thought it was the hottest thing she had ever heard. Turns out, she is very much like I used to be - able to enjoy orgasm pretty much endlessly without ever getting overstimulated. She had never been able to find anyone to keep up with her either. But, someone like me, well, that was just perfect. Not only would I be able to go down on her for as long as she wanted, but I would always be horny and in the mood to do it, and love every minute of it. And I do. But if only I had met someone like her earlier, I could have enjoyed those endless orgasms too.
Turns out, exactly the opposite happened. She began to feel too selfish, coming all the time like that. So instead, she decided to join me. We used pretty much the same banding techniques, and got her almost to the same point as me - although we thought going a whole week was too risky this time, and she really didn't want to risk losing all sensation. So she actually is still orgasmic - it just takes a lot of work. But we decided that we should always back off if she ever starts to get all the way to orgasm. We actually slipped a couple of times, and she did cum, but more banding after each slip has helped us both into the same state of pleasure - we can both enjoy endless hours of sex, and it feels great - even better than before. But we both know we are never going to reach orgasm again. It is simultaneously the hottest and most frustrating way to live that you could ever imagine, and it took a whole lot of getting used to, but we are both completely happy with the results.
Hopefully, some of you can relate.